Parenting is an art involving tough act every moment.
I am sure many of you(parents) will agree to...
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Parenting is an art involving tough act every moment.
I am sure many of you(parents) will agree to me 100%. Many of you know my Junior, Master Ashwin from previous blogs (Trick or Treat,PEEK-A-BOO:My Son, Me and Fun things...) He is closing in on his 2 year mark(3 more months). He is a busy Toddler and experimenting various tanturms upon us from his valise everyday. He is been handful especially to my wife. From the time he wakes up till he sleeps at night(except small nap in the afternoon), he is a busy bee keeping us in our toes all the time.
It made me to wonder how come our past generations (grandpa & grandma's) manage to give birth to 7-8 kids and that too in a row and able to handle them. Just take my parents, I have 4 uncles & 2 aunts in my father side and 5 aunt & 3 uncle in mother side. Thats reasonably good example for a biggie size family. That to most of uncle and aunts are pretty well settlement in their life. Thats a big accompliment by their parents.
It's amazing and I salute my grandpa's and grandma's anytime. I know there are lot of reasons it could have been possible those days but still as a parent its a tough tackle both mentally and financially. Take the current similar example in America. Americans are either this extreme or the other extreme. Some couples don't even kids till they die but some have 3-4 kids(one parent not talking about 2 parent). They just never bother to care about number of kids. Once its start, its just kept on coming. It doesn't matter whether they are wealthy enough or not. Somehow they manage to make it work.
Being a parent for just one kid itself is like too much to ask. I know some might come with an argument that kids these days are pretty smarter then old generation(including our generation) in all aspects which obviously makes things worse. I would have to agree to that. I guess its the gene.
As a parent (at works), we are learning everyday. Everyday something new pops up. I learnt that being a parent is a balance between being good, bad and ugly sometimes. You can't always be good because they tend to take you for granted after sometime and try to test our testrones going beyond their limits.
With my son, we are seeing a big change for the past 6-8 months? He started walking when we were just worrying about it. After that, he never stops for second and we are now thinking when will he stop running. He picks up things like Parrot and catch us off guard all the time repeating some words we accidently quote. He just tried to prounce his first word "THAQU" 3 months ago when I told him "Thank you" for bringing me back a ball. That was so cute and he just caught on it. Now he can speak lot more words pretty clear and everytime it makes us sparkle a smile. Thats all really good and cute until he take us to our extremes.
He now wants try playing my drums, work in my laptop like me, walk like me and talk like me. He is just a COPY CAT. Check out the video which I took like a month ago. He is the first to claim stairs before me and stands first to play drums everytime I go to do my practice. I have to wait until he is done for my turn. Otherwise there will be big tug of war starts. How is that?!
There is no more freedom of talk for us. I always have to think twice before I do anything or say anything. I am learning tips every day from the magazine "PARENTS" I subscribed just for this purpose to educate myself. I learnt that this is the age brain starts to develop and grasp things which will last untill they die. It's between 2-4, what they learn things stick with them has habit sticks for longtime to come. So I want to be very careful in implanting any bad things.Lets say for example "Fear factor". I don't want to teach him the fear of darkness by scaring or booing him to death. Thats what happened to me when I was kid and I still couldn't get over it.
Also at this time when the memory is developing, they have very shortterm memory. You need to keep repeating things which will finally get into their brain and stay. They just grow as a person who need to be repeated constantly which is sometimes irritating but we got to do it to get to their head.
Blogger Ranjini, one of my best blog friend is also my best advocate on this parenting topic.Whatever you learn from books and friends, praticals is always tough than theory right?!
When he starts crying by throwing his tantrums for silly things that where he frustrates especially in the public place. I really don't know what to do. I understood, its might seem silly for us but for them its the way of getting things they wanted and desire to have as they can't talk to express their feelings. I tried to use the Mantra I learn by deviating his attention to something else. Some works but not always.
At times no Mantra will work other than the hand work if it goes beyong my limit. I can't stop other than hitting him which I don't want to make it has an habit. Thats bad for me and him. I feel bad what else is the option. My wife really don't like me spanking but she also don't know any other way at these situations.
I know there is always school of thoughts. one "Adi othavramathri annan thambi othavamathan" (Hitting helps better than siblings" and other one, "Pat the back and get the work done". You know the 2nd rule doesn't work all the time.
Here is another video with his act just taken lastweek. Trying to help me when I was working on my front garden.
As first time parent, we are experiencing this parenthood in a really mixed feeling. I am sure having lot of fun with my son but at the same whenever I get pushed to an extent by testing the patience and streching our nerves, its really hard to control our anger. We are trying out different methods like Time out (famous in US) by asking him sit alone and try to stop crying. He picked that up pretty quick and starts to obey it.
We know this is a stage and it has to pass on until that time we have to struggle as a parent and at the same time enjoy cute things without worrying much about the Tantrums but keep abrust with our Mantras which might come handy.
I always welcome any constructive critisium on this topic and happy to take any new techniques(mantras). 
Check my other blogsite on Money at www.moneyreallymatters.com
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Helly Indu, Ranju, Mel, & Maya, Thank you all ladies for the wonderful suggetion and padding me back on my job..I appreciate it. I will reply in detail when I get a chance..
VIJAI
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Hey Vijai,
just 2 let u know that parenting isn't as bad as it looks. First of all, u gotta b the parent & not let him b ur parent. That means not dancing 2 his whims & fancies. U can bring him up according 2 ur schedules. he needs a time table & stick 2 it no matter what. This wud give u time for urself & with wife, which is important too. And never ever give in 2 tantrums on the road. Once he gets his way, then he will always get his way crying. If he's furiously crying, make sure he's not hungry, sleepy or hurting any where. And if u r sure its 2 get something done, get down 2 his level, tell him politely & in a firm way that u r not going to do it & explain y. Repeat if u have 2. Also give him a consequence if he continues, like going home without shopping, no t.v or time out. Something he wudn't like or taking away something he likes. And DO IT. keep ur word.
Don't hit them, they r too small 2 undrstnd y u r hitting except that it hurts them physically & emotionally. Just before u hit them, remember that its ur prblm.... u cannot manage ur emotions, u expect a certain behaviour from him & he does not give it 2 u & u 4get their age. Now is that his prblm or yours? All kids undrstnd very well wen u explain things 2 them. u have 2 get down 2 their level. And teach them habits long term which u don't've 2 try & wean them out of.
And yes, u have 2 b on ur best behaviour 24/7 cos they r gonna copy everything. Now isn't that a gud thing, being responsible of ur words & actions??? If every human being did this, the world wud b such a better place.
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Thank you Indu,
I always feel that pushing our kids to do what we want builds resentment and discord as they grow older. There is a difference between a delicate nudge and a whole-bodied push. The first one works the best!
ranjini
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R-Sharma
Hi Ranjini
I liked yur suggestion about bigger picture. That is wise advise.
Indu
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Hi Vijai
That was a very cute post.
There is no one right way or wrong way to raise a child. Growing up years are as much a learning process for the parents as it is for the child. Your son is doing just fine. Give him the space he needs and watch him learn. Kids just need our guidance, that's all. Make sure he is safe all the time; do supervise him. Just let him be and this way, you can keep him occupied. He will also be independent and learn the dignity of labour.
The videos were cute too. The way he handled the wheel barrow expertly was amazing. He was so close to the car that I thought for a moment that he was going to hit it.
Regards
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Hey Vijai,
That was very cute. Aww, poor thing pushed around the wheel barrow too! Looked like you are making your kid do all the hard work and all you did was repeat "hum, hum"!! I think I am hearing your voice for the first time!! Hearing Tamil after a while!
Today's kids are smarter in some ways because they are born with a mouse (computer mouse, I mean) in their mouth!!!! But our kids need a lot more down-to-earth hands-on activities like what Ashwin is doing.
Thanks for the mention, btw!! I remember sending you a very lengthy email a while back about our own experiences with our son. Your kid is doing just fine. As for kids crying in public, I have to tell you about a strange neighbor we used to have. This guy was a loner (may be lived with his girl friend) and did not have kids. Boy he used to get so flustered every time my toddler did as much as a whimper. He would come rushing to our doorstep and complain that he gets depressed when he hears weeping. Our kid never cried that much, but you know how playful and fussy kids get around garden hoses or say usurping the car keys. We used to have a tough time keeping things absolutely quiet outdoors! Indoor noise did not bother our fussy neighbor that much. Our way to deal with such people was to ignore and let the kid grow! Over-reacting would have caused more stress.
Eating, as I had said in my email, is to be judged over the time of an entire week. Kids of Ashwin's age usually eat all food groups and pretty much get all the nourishment over a week's time. You cannot sweat over them everyday because they just won't eat what you give in one 24 hour period. When he starts school, stay away from spoon-feeding homework because that can cause the biggest stress in families. Let him sweat it out and learn the hard way based on feedback from school. Amazingly, kids do learn the art of fending for themselves when we take a step back and watch. Only help when they ask.
We should, in the end, keep the big picture in mind. Micromanagement can take away the joy of discovery and experimentation.
A father like you with this much affection does not need any kind of criticism!
Ranjini
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Vijai no books nor magazines can prepare u for everything u face as a parent. U keep learning as u grow in ideas with ur child.
Just one thing any sort of physical hurt always creates hundred fold more effect but at the same time creates thousand times more negative thinking. Don't loose patience. The moment u relise u r loosing it walk away from the situation it might help.
Luved reading abt little one.Lots of luv to him
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Hey Indu,
GOod to see you.
I don't know why you couldn't able to watch it. I added it as window player and it should work. If many people report, I might do it someother way.
Let me check my father's diary. He started walking on July 16th which is 13th month. We did help him bit but we put in walker. But he just started walking all of a sudden.
No way you are talking. Easy to feed him!! Everyday my wife struggles to feed him. I should have added that too but ti will be too long post. It will be scene everyday in our home but we learning to be patience and feed when his mood is good.
VIJAI
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That is cute lil post Vijay. I am not able to watch the clipping, I wonder why?
by the way exactly in which month did he start walking? Did u help him in any way?
Is it easy to feed him? How do you do it?
Indu
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